Project Donnervogel

“I think God continues to taunt us just for the fun of it. On the other hand though, who the hell needs God to push our buttons when do so perfectly fine all by ourselves.”

Had lunch with a terrific girl today. By terrific, I mean the whole deal; intelligent, funny, and damn well beautiful. And by damn well beautiful, I mean someone with a smile that can send city to war if we were in ancient Greece. More fun facts about this seemingly one of a kind girl include certain snippets of info like her being agnostic (always a plus if you’re pursuing someone who’s unhindered by all the b.s. of religion) and her fondness of good food (who doesn’t like to eat these days?).

As I spent the hour of lunch with her, she elucidated her grand love for theater and affection for the unique things in life. Our conversations drifted from both our desires to join a rowing team to health and fitness. Small talk mostly, but by God, it was a FUN small talk. Though I wouldn’t exactly count that as a lunch “date”, I suppose it comes close enough to the point.

The hour however was barely enough to explore the complexities of her personality so as you can tell, I’m dubiously intrigued about her. The fact that we share so much and “connected” in an hour or so has me hanging by the edge of my seat. Being my cynical self, I would usually go for the raging hormone excuse to explain such a connection but it just felt so real that I have to reconsider… here’s where I tell you that of course there’s a catch to all this.

As it is always important to conduct scouting missions and employ various intelligence services during times of war, it is just as important–if not more so–to do it when you’re battling for the hearts of beautiful women. Logically, before I plunged head first into this campaign, I launched a full fledged intelligence operation designed to gather as much information I could about this fair lady. Of regretful note it that I wished my agents were at least as romanticized and accurate as a real intelligence service but that’s beside the point. Anyway, I recruited two female office mates whom I’m relatively close to and share a mutual friendship, to do the deed. In retrospect not the best agents you can find but beggars can hardly choose.

Disquieting information came later as they reported, with much snickering and wolfish grins that I had hit the jackpot indeed. My fair lady, whom I share so much in common with is a LESBIAN. Yes, she’s gay and holy crap that might explain why I share so much in common with her. It’s actually quite funny were I not so devastated and somewhat enraged with the information. Think about it, I share so much in common with her because, minus our anatomical differences… we are the same. Yes, cluck about and flap thy wings together in laughter.

All is not lost however as the information is hardly verified. My sources-slash-agents, do insist that my fair lady clearly and directly admitted to her homosexuality. They explained further that it was she who volunteered the information along with an apparently, very funny story on how she found out and accepted that she was. Yes, that warm moisture on my keyboard is from the thousand sighs I have begrudgingly exhaled. If you look closely enough, the droplets may even spell “damn it”.

Very worthwhile information wouldn’t you say? It came at no better time than when I was preparing to ask the same lady out for a date this weekend. Now most people would abandon ship at this point. However, my ego, as over-compensating and apparently over-inflated that it is, refuses to give up. What does that mean?

It means Project Donnervogel.

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Project Donnervogel Status

Progress: Awaiting verification of gathered intelligence.

Total expenses to date: negligible lunch money’s worth.

Projected Outcome: A miserable failure waiting to happen.